What He Wants
by Penguins Stealing My Sanity
Summary: Jack faked his death, and now he’s off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it’s not always that simple… Chapter Five reposted with slight changes, Chapter Six now posted, too. Finished...for now...
1. Possession

**Title:** What He Wants  
**Chapter Title:** Possession  
**Author:** Penguins Stealing My Sanity  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. The song belongs to my newest musical obsession, Evans Blue; the title of the song is the same title of this chapter.  
**Summary:** Jack faked his death, and now he's off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it's not always that simple… There's very little plot involved in this; it's mostly just an excuse for me to write a few explicit sex scenes between Jack and Ennis. ;)  
**Genre:** Romance  
**Warnings: **Just a little language, and two cute cowboys screwing. You know, the usual.  
**Rating:** R  
**Setting:** After Ennis calls Lureen, the movie didn't happen. This is right after Ennis has found out Jack's "dead."

**- What He Wants -**

**"Possession"**

I drove on down the road, humming softly. I shouldn've been near as happy as I felt—I should've been damn disappointed in me—but I couldn't keep a smile from my face. I'd done somethin' bad, and I knew well enough that it was wrong of me—but it'd seemed like the best way to get what I wanted. Jack Twist always got what he wanted.

**Listen as the wind blows  
****From across the great divide  
Voices trapped in yearning,  
****Memories trapped in time  
The night is my companion,  
****And solitude my guide  
Would I spend forever here  
****And not be satisfied?  
**

It hadn't been near as hard as I'd thought it'd be to fake my own death. Just talked to the sheriff, who owed me from way back, and he placed a call to Lureen, tellin' her he'd found me dead. She didn' even want to see my body, which was no real surprise, but it made everythin' easier. I was "cremated" (Lureen, an' Momma an' Daddy were just given fake ashes) and I got the hell outta Texas, and headed straight for Wyoming. That's where I was now, drivin' to Ennis' house and prayin' to God he was there.

I wondered what he'd do when he saw me. Far as I knew, he didn' know I was "dead," an' we weren't supposed to meet up again till November. I sure hoped he'd be happy to see me, instead of angry, 'cause I never did know how Ennis would react to anythin'. I'd lost count of how many times he'd punched me fer no good reason. It was just the way he was, an' I didn't really mind that much. Bein' punched by Ennis was better'n bein' miles away from him, far as I was concerned.

**And I would be the one  
To hold you down  
Kiss you so hard  
I'll take your breath away  
And after, I'd wipe away the tears  
Just close your eyes dear  
**

I finally pulled up in front of his house, an' jumped from my truck, lookin' around fer him. But his own truck wasn't there, an' I couldn't see any sign of him around.

I wasn't sure what to do now. A part of me wanted to hide my truck, and go wait fer him inside, to surprise him…but I decided he wouldn't like that very much. So I just leaned up against my truck, and waited. I didn't have to wait too long before his old, beat-up truck came rumblin' down the road. I could see him behind the wheel, starin' at me like he'd seen a ghost. He nearly fell outta his truck, an' I could see that he'd been cryin'. I stopped smilin' an' went towards him, tryin' to ask what was the matter, but he just stumbled away from me, his face pale as paper.

**Through this world I've stumbled  
So many times betrayed  
Trying to find an honest word  
****To find the truth enslaved  
Oh you speak to me in riddles and  
****You speak to me in rhymes  
My body aches to breathe your breath  
Your words keep me alive  
**

"Ennis? Ennis, it's me—Jack. What the hell's wrong with you?"

"You're dead," he said, clutchin' at the back of his truck. "I talked to Lureen—she said you was killed—"

"Ennis—Christ's sake, stop tryin' to run away from me!" How had he found out about me bein' dead? An' he'd already talked to Lureen… "Shit, Ennis, I didn't mean for you to find out till after I'd already gotten to talk to you… It was all faked, Ennis. I had to get away from Lureen…I couldn't keep livin' like that, couldn't keep lyin' to her and to myself…" He'd finally stopped tryin' to back away from me, but I could see him shakin', an' I wondered if it was because he was angry, of if he was still uncertain. I started to say more, but then he jumped forward and punched me hard across the face. I fell—I never could manage to stay on my feet after one of his punches.

He stood over me, hands fisted at his sides, glarin' down like the fury of God Himself was runnin' through him. "If you _ever_ do anythin' that fuckin' stupid again," he said softly but angrily, "I'll kill you myself." Then he reached down and grabbed me by jacket, draggin' me to my feet and slammin' me against his truck; he kissed me hard enough to hurt, but it didn't even occur to me to try to pull away. "Jack fuckin' Twist," he whispered, holdin' my face tightly. "How can you be so fuckin' stupid?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Guess it comes of fallin' off all them bulls. Can't tell ya how many times I fell on my head…"

**And I would be the one  
****To hold you down  
Kiss you so hard  
I'll take your breath away  
And after, I'd wipe away the tears  
Just close your eyes dear **

**Into this night I wander  
It's morning that I dread  
Another day of knowing of  
The path I fear to tread **

"Come on," he said, grabbin' my arm and draggin' me towards his house. We didn't even make it halfway to the bedroom; soon as we were inside his house, Ennis shoved me up against the door an' started kissin' me again, pushin' my jacket off my shoulders and rippin' my shirt open so buttons went flyin' every which way. I didn't even bother with his shirt, just undid his belt as fast as I could and shoved his pants down over his hips; he did the same to me barely a heartbeat later—even as fast as our hearts were beatin'. I ground my hips against his, and we both moaned. I wrapped my arms up around his neck, and he grabbed onto my hips, liftin' me up a little and then movin' in close. Out of instinct, mostly, I wrapped my legs around his waist, givin' him a clearer way into me. He pressed up into me, and we both cried out, me archin' my back as I felt him movin' inside me. He slammed me back against the door so hard that all the air went rushin' from my lungs, but neither of us really took notice of it. My legs fell from his waist but, even then, my feet didn't touch the ground with Ennis shovin' into me so hard. We were both scremain' madly with the pleasure, and I kept beggin' him to go even harder, even faster. I came a moment before he did, shoutin' his name even as I felt him come inside me. He thrust into me a few more times, and then he fell forward, leanin' heavily against me.

**Oh into the sea of waking dreams  
I follow without pride  
Nothing stands between us here  
And I won't be denied  
**

**And I would be the one  
To hold you down  
Kiss you so hard  
I'll take your breath away  
And after, I'd wipe away the tears  
Just close your eyes dear**

"Jack…fuckin'…Twist," he whispered against my neck. "Fuckin'…Jack Twist…." He lifted his head and looked up into my eyes, his face serious now. "When Lureen told me you was dead… Damnit, Jack, why didn't you tell me you were plannin' somethin' like this? I…" He trailed off, and I leaned forward to kiss him.

"I didn't think there was any way you could find out before I could get here an' tell you what I'd done. I guess I wasn't thinkin' 'bout much else besides bein' with you… I'm sorry, Ennis."

He kissed me again, hard enough that my head slammed back against the door. "Damnit, Ennis—ya gotta stop doin' that! Now get off me—"

Smilin', he took a few steps back. "How long you gonna stay?" he asked.

"Where else've I got to go? I was thinkin' we could start lookin' for that ranch I was always talkin' 'bout…"

He shook his head, but he was still smilin'. "You never give up, do you, Twist?"

I returned the smile. "Never." Jack Twist always got what he wanted.

**To hold you down  
Kiss you so hard  
I'll take your breath away  
And after, I'd wipe away the tears  
Just close your eyes dear**

**I'll hold you down  
****Kiss you so hard  
****I'll take your breath away  
And after, I'd wipe away the tears  
Just close your eyes…**

* * *

I'm working on the next chapter even as you read this. It'll be longer, I promise…though it will also have even less plot, and much more explicit sex...planning for at least two scenes, maybe more… 

Did I overdo the Western accent? I think I might have…

:>


	2. Stop And Say You Love Me

**Title:** What He Wants  
**Chapter Title:** Stop And Say You Love Me  
**Author:** Penguins Stealing My Sanity  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Though I wouldn't mind owning Jake Gyllenhaal… The song is another one of Evans Blue's, again with the same title as the chapter (my creativity is pretty much crap right now).  
**Summary:** Jack faked his death, and now he's off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it's not always that simple… There's very little plot involved in this; it's mostly just an excuse for me to write a few explicit sex scenes between Jack and Ennis. ;)  
**Genre:** Romance  
**Warnings: **Some swearing, and—of course—guy/guy sex.  
**Rating:** R  
**Setting:** This is immediately after the end of the first chapter.

Sorry this took so long! My computer was being "special" and wouldn't let me upload anything…but it's better now! So here's chapter two, with even less plot than the previous chapter. Much more sex, and of the more graphic variety. Yippee!

I liked the songfic idea, and decided to just roll with it. Evans Blue has some GREAT music, which fit perfectly with the ideas in my mind.

"Flashback" is in _italics_. You'll know it when you see it.

**- What He Wants -**

**"Stop And Say You Love Me"**

Ennis pulled me into his bedroom and shoved me down onto the bed; with a wicked grin, he fell on top of me, coverin' my face with kisses and makin' me gasp as I grabbed at his shoulders. I shoved my hips up against his, and he made a low, growlin' noise deep in his throat. He flipped me over onto my stomach like I was one of his daughters' rag dolls, and pressed himself down against me, moving his body slowly up and down my back, makin' me squirm and beg him to stop teasin' me.

With a grunt, he pushed himself into me. I buried my face against the pillow and grabbed handfuls of the sheets, holdin' on tight as he arranged himself to his likin' inside me, and then began pushin' in and pullin' out, rockin' back an' forth on top of me as I tried to muffle my moans in the pillow. He lurched forward, an' I felt a brief pain as he dug his teeth into the skin between my neck and shoulder an' held on there while he kept on pushin' into me, harder and harder. He pulled his mouth away to shout out as he came, plowin' into me. Then he collapsed on top of me, breathin' heavily against the side of my face.

**Hey listen, because I'll only say this once  
Do you think that you could lose yourself in me?  
I could say I want to die by your side one day  
But I could never speak the words  
Because they haven't wrote the words that mean enough to me  
So together we can burn this way  
****Burn this way**

**Stop and say you love me  
****Always  
****I'll say the same to you **

It was always like this, whenever we got together: we'd fuck as many times as we could both stand, and then spent the next day buildin' up energy enough for more fuckin'. It seemed the most natural thing; after bein' away from each other for months, we had a lot to make up for in so short a time. That was different now—I meant to make sure we had the rest of our lives together, to spend it however we wanted. But that didn't matter right now; I was too worried about getting' as much of Ennis Del Mar as I possibly could.

"Ennis, you're too damn heavy to keep fallin' on top of me like that," I mumbled, pushin' myself up enough so that he rolled off me. I flopped onto my back and lay there next to him, not quite touchin'. We didn't say nothin' for a long time, but I finally broke the silence and said, "Well, cowboy, we got some things to talk about."

"Like what?" he mumbled suspiciously, tiltin' his head to look over at me.

I** found a loophole for us now  
It's called redemption of my history  
Do you think you could look past my fears  
Tell me now my love  
Because I will lose it in your eyes  
****I see firelight in your eyes  
I know that things will be better when you are by my side  
****By my side  
**

I lifted myself up on one elbow, lookin' down at him. "You know I ain't gonna let this go. There's nothin' to keep us from buyin' a place of our own, and Christ knows I got money enough. I been keepin' a little for myself, and Lureen don't know nothin' 'bout it. It'll be enough to get us started…" He wasn't lookin' at me anymore; he'd turned his head away, like he was ashamed or somethin'.

"Jack, I've told you before…I've got a life here…I've got my girls, I've got a job…"

"An' all that means more to you than I do, I guess," I said angrily, swingin' my legs over the side of the bed and leavin' the room. I was fightin' back tears as I picked my clothes up off the floor and started strugglin' into them.

"Where're you goin'?" Ennis demanded, stanin' in the doorway of his room.

"Like you fuckin' care." I was tryin' to button my pants with my shakin' hands when he grabbed my arm and turned me around. He looked to be as angry as I was, and so we just stood there awhile, glarin' at each other.

"So just like that, you're gonna leave? You come all this way, an' now you're just gonna leave?"

"I ain't got no reason to stay now, do I?" I pulled my arm away.

He grabbed me again, this time holdin' on to both my arms. "And where do you plan on goin'?"

"Don't much care. I was thinkin' maybe Mexico—"

I realized too late that I probably shouldn't've said that, and by that time, he'd already punched me. He hauled me up and shoved me up against the wall hard enough to rattle my teeth, and his eyes were burnin' with anger, his face not even an inch away from mine. "You fuckin' little shit," he snarled, lookin' as if he wanted to wring my neck. "If I—"

"If you what?" I shoved him away from me, surprised by my own strength. "Don't even pretend like it surprises you, Ennis. If you won't give me what I need, I sure as hell am gonna find someone who will." I was angry as he was now, and I moved forward, hands fisted at my sides. He took a step away, as surprised as I was by my anger. "I gave up fuckin' _everythin'_, Ennis. I ain't got nothin' left but you, and I ain't even hardly got that. What've you ever done for me, huh, Ennis? When have I ever asked you to do _anythin'_ for me? I give up my whole damn life and come here wantin' to make a new life with you, and you won't budge a fuckin' inch! You're fuckin' _unbelievable_, Ennis! Your life ain't worth a pile of shit, but you won't give it up for me! Give me one fuckin' reason why I shouldn't leave!"

**Stop and say you love me  
****Always  
****I'll say the same to you  
Stop and say you love me  
****Always  
****I'll say the same to you  
**

He didn't say anythin' for a real long while, and I turned away before he could see the tears in my eyes. I didn't bother puttin' my shirt on; I just had to get away. He didn't stop me when I left his house, an' he just stood in the doorway as I got into my truck and drove away.

I spent the rest of the day getting' as drunk as I could in the first bar I could find, and then stumbled to the motel near it. I sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands, an tried to convince myself that I could handle a life without Ennis Del Mar.

I couldn't return to my old life; even if I'd wanted to, it was too late for that now. Lureen would never take me back, an' I didn't want her to. I couldn't even go live with Momma and Daddy; Daddy would be even angrier at me than Ennis had been. I didn't have nowhere to go. I'd been countin' on a life with Ennis, but there was no chance of that anymore.

"I'll get the fuckin' ranch," I said to myself. "I'll make my own life. I don't need him, I don't need anyone. I'm Jack fuckin' Twist…"

I woke up on the floor with a headache the size of Texas. It was past noon when I left the motel, and even then the sun was far too bright, and my head was still poundin'. I climbed into my truck an' just drove, not knowin' where I was goin' and not really carin'. I just let the truck take me where it wanted to go, and ended up at the place where Ennis and I had always met up for our "fishin' trips." I sat in the truck awhile, my forehead restin' against the steerin' wheel. I got out slowly, and walked down to the river, pullin' off my hat and lookin' down into the water, rushin' away from me just like my life seemed to be doin'. I couldn't've said how long I stood there, and I couldn't've said when the tears started runnin' down my cheeks. I couldn't help but remember the last time we'd been here together…

"_Tell you what, we could of had a good life together, a fuckin' real good life, had us a place of our own. You wouldn't do it Ennis, so what we got now is Brokeback Mountain. Everything's built on that. It's all we got, boy, fuckin' all, so I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest. Count the damn few times we been together in nearly twenty years. Measure the fuckin' short leash you keep me on, then ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needin' somethin' I don't hardly never get. You got no idea how bad it gets. I'm not you. I can't make it on a couple of high-altitude fucks once or twice a year. You're too much for me, Ennis, you son of a whoreson bitch. I wish I knew how to quit you."_

"_Then why don't you! Why don't you let me be? It's because of you, Jack, that I'm like this. I'm nothin'. I'm nowhere."_

Nothin' had changed since then. If anythin', things had gotten worse. We were no farther along then we'd ever been, and we were never gonna get any farther. He was too damn stubborn. And so now I had nothin'.

**I'm guarded  
****I'm fragile  
****But if anyone could ever save me now  
****You can  
****And you can  
**

I heard a car rumble down the road behind me, but I didn't turn until I heard it rattle to a halt.

Ennis climbed slowly out of the truck and stood there, hands shoved into his back pockets. "Knew I'd find you here," he said softly. I didn't answer, and turned back around to stare at the water. "Me an' you, we got some talkin' to do, Twist."

"I ain't got nothin' more to say to you."

"I don't want it to end like this, Jack. Christ, I don't want it to end at all!"

"Well maybe _I_ do. Maybe I'm tired of all this. Tired of waitin' for _you_ to decide what we're gonna do, and when we're gonna do it. Maybe I'm tired of wonderin' if you're ever gonna be brave enough to take a chance with me. You ever think about that, Ennis? You ever think I might not wait for you forever. 'Cause I won't. I'm done waitin'. It's now or never, boy. I ain't gonna wait no more."

I still didn't look at him, and he didn't say nothin'. I started wonderin' when he was gonna get back into his truck and just leave me be; then his arms wrapped around me from behind, and he pulled me back against him, pressin' his cheek against mine. I didn't move away, and my eyes drifted shut as I had to fight back more tears. He didn't say nothin'—he didn't have to.

**Stop and say you love me  
****Always  
****I'll say the same to you  
Stop and say you love me  
****Always  
****I'll say the same to you **

**Are you strong enough?  
****Am I enough?  
Are you strong enough  
****To say you love me?**

His voice was rough when he said, "I saw a piece of land, not too far from here…I was thinkin' we might be able to turn it into a nice ranch…"

"Sounds like a pretty good idea, cowboy," I said softly.

* * *

Wow. There WAS a little bit of a plot there. After the sex scene, the whole thing kind of just popped out…definitely wasn't what I'd planned on it being…I'd planned to just have a chapter with as many sex scenes as I could stand to write…but I like how it turned out! There's a plot now! And what do you, my readers, think of it? Should be able to squeeze another chapter out of this, if it's liked well enough…

:>


	3. The Gift

**Title:** What He Wants  
**Chapter Title:** The Gift  
**Author:** Penguins Stealing My Sanity  
**Disclaimer:** I can tell myself in the privacy of my own thoughts that I own everything, but we all know that's not true.  
**Summary:** Jack faked his death, and now he's off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it's not always that simple… There's very little plot involved in this; it's mostly just an excuse for me to write a few explicit sex scenes between Jack and Ennis. ;)  
**Genre:** Romance  
**Warnings: **Eh, not too much.  
**Rating:** R  
**Setting:** Begins right after the sex scene in the first chapter. You'll understand in a minute.

This chapter was actually requested by Leilia. She wanted a chapter done from Ennis's point of view, and it seemed like a really good idea, so I'm running with it. It might seem a little repetitive in the beginning, but I'll do my best. You can count on at least three more chapters after this one.

You know, it's funny. I swore to myself that this was going to be a pointless fic with just sex scene after sex scene, and I've now managed to scrounge out a six-chaptered plot. I should be angry with myself.

All right, mark this day down on the calendar. I'm NOT using a song by Evans Blue! O.O It's still a songfic, though: the song is "The Gift" by Seether, a group _almost_ as good as Evans Blue. Enjoy, and here's to you, Leilia!

**- What He Wants -**

**"The Gift"**

"Well, cowboy, we got some things to talk about."

I didn't quite hear what he said at first, and it took a minute or so for me to realize what he'd said. I looked over at him, guessin' what was gonna come. "Like what?"

"You know I ain't gonna let this go," he said, lookin' down at me. "There's nothin' to keep us from buyin' a place of our own, and Christ knows I got money enough. I been keepin' a little for myself, and Lureen don't know nothin' 'bout it. It'll be enough to get us started…"

I looked away from him. I'd been hopin' he wouldn't bring this up again until later, after I'd had time to work through my own thoughts and feelin's. But it didn't seem like there was gonna be any way to avoid it. "Jack," I started softly, still not able to bring myself to look over at him, "I've told you before…I've got a life here…I've got my girls, I've got a job…"

"An' all that means more to you than I do, I guess." He got up off the bed and left the room.

"Shit," I said under my breath, pushin' myself up and startin' after him. I stopped in the doorway, watchin' him as he pulled his pants on, his back to me.

**Hold me now I need to feel relief  
Like I never wanted anything  
I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to  
I'm so ashamed of defeat  
And I'm out of reason to believe in me  
I'm out of trying to get by**

"Where're you goin'?"

"Like you fuckin' care."

I could feel myself getting' angry, and I went towards him, grabbin' his arm and twistin' him around to face me. He returned the glare I gave him. "So just like that, you're gonna leave?" I asked angrily. "You come all this way, an' now you're just gonna leave?"

"I ain't got no reason to stay now, do I?" He jerked his arm outta my hand, and went back to buttonin' his pants.

Grindin' my teeth together, I grabbed him again, my fingers diggin' into his arms. "And where you do plan on goin'?" I demanded.

"Don't much care. I was thinkin' maybe Mexico—"

That was enough to make me snap. I shoved him back away from me, and then punched him square in the jaw. He'd barely even touched the ground when I grabbed him around the neck and dragged him up, slammin' him against the wall. _Jack fuckin' Twist…fuckin' bastard, I warned you…warned never to say somethin' like that to me again… Stupid fuckin' whoreson…_ Damn, how could those words hurt so much?

"You fuckin' little shit." _You're mine, Jack fuckin' Twist…mine! Ain't no one else ever gonna have you, ain't no fuckin' way you're ever gonna be with anyone else… _"If I—"

"If you what?" he screamed. His hands came up, and he pushed me away from him hard enough that I stumbled. Before I could start cursin' at him, he balled his hands into fists, his face as angry as mine was. "Don't even pretend like it surprises you, Ennis. If you won't give me what I need, I sure as _hell_ am gonna find someone who will." I'd never seen him this angry before, and I had to admit it was a little frightenin'. I took a step away from him when he started towards me. "I gave up fuckin' _everythin'_, Ennis. I ain't got nothin' left but you, and I ain't even hardly got that. What've you ever done for me, huh, Ennis? When have I ever asked you to do _anythin'_ for me? I give up my whole damn life and come here wantin' to make a new life with you, and you won't budge a fuckin' inch! You're fuckin' _unbelievable_, Ennis! Your life ain't worth a pile of shit, but you won't give it up for me! Give me one fuckin' reason why I shouldn't leave!"

I didn't have nothin' to say to that. What was there I could say? And so I just stood there, starin' at him with his eyes bright with tears and his face covered in anger. He finally turned away from me and grabbed his shirt up off the floor, shovin' the door open and slammin' it behind him. I watched through the screen as he climbed into his truck, and drove away.

**I'm so afraid of the gift you give me  
I don't belong here and I'm not well  
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living  
Right on the wrong side of it all **

I leaned against the wall, my hand pressed against my face, swearin' softly under my breath. "Jack…" Any minute now, he was gonna come rollin' back down the lane; we'd apologize for everythin' we'd said and done, and we'd embrace, laugh, cry, kiss, and everythin' would be all right again…we'd hold each other until the pain went away and we were whole again. He had to come back. Jack always came back.

After an hour had passed, I finally realized that Jack Twist was not goin' to come back.

I slid down the wall and held my head in my hands, cryin' like I'd never cried before. "Jack…my Jack…" What right did he have to ask me to give up my life? We weren't the same, him and me—he'd always been so reckless, not carin' about what would be the consequences for whatever he did. But I cared about things like that. I couldn't just give up everythin' I had on a whim. That didn't make me any worse a person than he was. I had my priorities in order. I knew what to expect outta life. Jack didn't. He'd never been realistic. I wasn't gonna let him pull me into a life that had no hope of a future. I knew what my life was here, and I was comfortable. There was no reason to give it up, not if I didn't have to. He had no right…

"_What've you ever done for me, huh, Ennis? When have I ever asked you to do _anythin'_ for me?"_

"Never," I said softly. "You never wanted anythin' from me but a life together…"

"_I give up my whole damn life and come here wantin' to make a new life with you, and you won't budge a fuckin' inch! Your life ain't worth a pile of shit, but you won't give it up for me!"_

**I can't face myself when I wake up  
And look inside a mirror  
I'm so ashamed of that thing  
I suppose I'll let it go  
Until I have something more to say for me  
I'm so afraid of defeat  
And I'm out of reason to believe in me  
I'm out of trying to defy  
**

"Jack…Christ, Jack…why do you make me feel like this? I don't _want_ to feel like this…" But I could only lie to myself for so long. It was near dawn when I got up and dressed, and went out to my truck; I headed into town and asked around, but no one had seen a man fittin' the description I gave. For a while, I just drove around, feelin' like my heart had been torn outta my chest. And then it struck me where he'd probably gone.

I drove as fast as I dared, prayin' to God that Jack would be there, and wonderin' if God would even listen to prayers from a man like me. But I kept prayin', and I kept drivin', and my heart was in my throat. I nearly whooped with relief when I pulled down onto the drive and saw his truck there, with him standin' down near the river.

**I'm so afraid of the gift you give me  
I don't belong here and I'm not well  
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living  
Right on the wrong side of it all  
**

He turned to look at me as I climbed outta the truck and said, "Knew I'd find you here." He turned back around, and I felt my throat tighten with the beginnin's of despair. "Me an' you, we got some talkin' to do, Twist."

"I ain't got nothin' more to say to you." I could barely hear his voice, but I could hear the anger and the sadness in it.

"I don't want it to end like this, Jack. Christ, I don't want it to end at all!"

He still wouldn't look at me, and his voice was no louder than before when he said, "Well maybe _I_ do. Maybe I'm tired of all this. Tired of waitin' for _you_ to decide what we're gonna do, and when we're gonna do it. Maybe I'm tired of wonderin' if you're ever gonna be brave enough to take a chance with me. You ever think about that, Ennis? You ever think I might not wait for you forever? 'Cause I won't. I'm done waitin'. It's now or never, boy. I ain't gonna wait no more."

_And you've earned the right to demand that, I guess. I sure as hell haven't._ I couldn't think of what to say, though, and I saw his shoulders slump slightly, as if all the hope in the world was drainin' outta him. I walked slowly forward and put my arms around him, pullin' him tight against me. I gently kissed the side of his face, and tasted his tears against my lips.

**Hold me now I need to feel complete  
Like I matter to the one I need **

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me  
I don't belong here and I'm not well  
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living  
Right on the wrong side of it all

Now I'm ashamed of this  
I am so ashamed of this  
Now I'm so ashamed of this  
I am so ashamed of me...

Softly, I said, "I saw a piece of land, not too far from here…I was thinkin' we might be able to turn it into a nice ranch…"

He smiled slightly, movin' to press his face closer to mine. "Sounds like a pretty good idea, cowboy."

* * *

Pretty much fluff, but I think it was important to see Ennis's side. Thanks again to Leilia for the idea! I've got the rest of the fic planned out now: next chapter is going to be what the whole fic was intended to be in the first place, and the two chapters after…well, you'll have to be patient, won't you? As always, reviews are loved. 

:>


	4. Parabol, Parabola

Man, I am on a writing spree here! What is this, the third chapter in four days? You guys better appreciate me…

**Title:** What He Wants  
**Chapter Title:** Parabol/Parabola  
**Author:** Penguins Stealing My Sanity  
**Disclaimer:** I have no witty comment to make. I just don't own anything.  
**Summary:** Jack faked his death, and now he's off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it's not always that simple… There's very little plot involved in this; it's mostly just an excuse for me to write a few explicit sex scenes between Jack and Ennis. ;)  
**Genre:** Romance  
**Warnings: **Sex. And lots of it.  
**Rating:** R  
**Setting:** Let's say approximately a year after the last chapter. Jack's gotten rid of his mustache, because I think it makes him look stupid. Besides that, I don't feel the need to describe what has happened in the year before this chapter, for J&E will make it evident through their dialogue.

What's happening? Another non-Evans Blue-songed chapter… This is Tool's "Parabol/Parabola." Two songs, actually, but they're always grouped together and, alone, they're too short to make a proper songfic. Not my favorite Tool song, but the lyrics fit.

A warning: I know next to nothing about the "way back when" times, so don't expect anything to be historically/time-period-ally (I know, periodically would probably be more correct, but that always makes me think of newspapers) correct.

As I said, this chapter is what the whole fic was supposed to be before I discovered my friendly plot: sex, in as many ways as I can think of. :grin: I guarantee, this chapter will have the least plot yet. We'll resume plottiness after this plotless chapter, I promise. I actually have most of the fifth chapter written (who'd've thunk I'd rather write something with plot than just pointless sex?).

Anyone willing to offer a random, Western-sounding name for the next chapter? Heck, you can even offer a description of a character. I just need a generic Western-type person. Best name/character will be in the chapter, and the name's creator will get my eternal thanks, and a sentence or three about how great you are, and two penguins.

I'm in a really strange mood today. Kind of an over-tired, somewhat giddy feeling…

Enough about me. We jump back to Jack's POV.

But before that: a general note: if there's anything specific you'd like to see (sex-wise or other-wise) go ahead and suggest it in your **reviews** (cough cough, hint hint). If it fits in with this fic, I'll probably write it. If it doesn't fit with this fic…who knows, it might inspire a new fic! On that note…here you go, Lorien Lupin—a variety pack!

**- What He Wants -**

"**Parabol/Parabola"**

I stood back a little and wiped the sweat off my face with the rag I'd tucked into my belt, and then smiled at my handiwork. It was the last thing that had needed to be done, finishin' the fence, and I pushed down on the rail I'd just finished nailin' up, makin' sure it would hold my full weight. It did, and I nodded to myself, proud of my work.

"How's it goin', cowboy?" Ennis called, and I turned to grin at him.

"Just finished." I caught the can of beer he threw to me, and cracked it open. "How's it look?"

"Looks like a fence." He leaned against the rail next to me, and watched with a small smile while I downed half the can.

"You know what this means, don't you?" I asked, wipin' my mouth with the back of my hand.

"You finally worked up enough muscle to replace all that fat?"

I laughed and slapped his stomach. "You ain't exactly fit, neither, boy. This means that all we got left to do is get the sheep, an' we'll be set. We ain't got nothin' else left to do."

"Is that a fact?" He sipped thoughtfully at his beer. "We'll have to look at doin' that soon, then, won't we?"

"Yup. Come on—I haven't had anythin' to eat since breakfast, and _I_ been workin', unlike someone else I could name."

"I been workin' too," Ennis protested.

"Sure you have," I agreed sarcastically, pullin' his hat off his head and pushin' it down onto my own head. Swearin' at me, he tried to grab it back, but I ran away from him, laughin'. He chased me all the way back to the house we'd built together, and then he tackled me, sendin' us both topplin' to the ground. I tried to squirm away from him, but he held onto my legs and dragged me underneath him. I somehow managed to flip him over so he was layin' on his back with me straddlin' his hips; with a wicked grin, I leaned down and kissed him, pressin' my hips down against his. He was gaspin' as I started kissin' his face and neck, and his hands hled tightly onto my sides. "Thought…you said you were…hungry…" he gasped, and groaned as I slid my hands up under his shirt.

"Oh, I _am_ hungry," Is said, liftin' my head and smilin' at the way his eyes rolled back into his head.

**So familiar and overwhelmingly warm****  
****This one, this form I hold now.****  
****Embracing you, this reality here,****  
****This one, this form I hold now, so****  
****Wide eyed and hopeful.****  
****Wide eyed and hopefully wild.**

"We should…go inside…" he gasped. "Someone…might drive by…see us…"

"Road's a long ways away, Ennis," I said softly, unbuttonin' his shirt. "'Sides, it's been awhile since we fucked outside."

"Jack…"

"Ennis, shut the fuck up and take my pants off." We both had to shift around a bit to get the other's pants off, but it wasn't nearly as hard as it had been to get each other's clothes off in a cramped corner of the general store's storage room, and at least here there wasn't any wood scrapin' against my back. Grinnin', I reached down and grabbed his erection; I lifted myself up, and then pressed down around him, both of us lettin' out groans. I pressed my hands down against his chest and lifted myself back up his length, and dropped down again. He grabbed tightly onto my hips, liftin' me up and pullin' me down, and shovin' his own hips up to bury himself even deeper inside me. My back hunched, my hands diggin' into his chest, I pumped myself down onto him , groanin' and givin' small grunts and cries of pleasure. He was strainin' beneath me, his hands diggin' into my hips, tryin' desperately to push himself farther into me and archin' his back with pleasure. I threw me head back and shouted out as I came, and felt him come inside me not even a second later. With a happy groan, I fell on top of him, layin' across his chest with my head against his shoulder.

**We barely remember what came before this precious moment,****  
****Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...****  
****This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in****  
****This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.**

"Get up, cowboy," he said softly, and I rolled off him tiredly, slowly pullin' my pants back on.

"I sure hope you got some food made inside," I said, pushin' myself up and reachin' down to give him a hand up. He smiled and put one of his arms around my shoulders, leadin' me into our house. We sat down at our old, warped table and ate in a comfortable silence. Soon as I'd finished, I got up and said, "I'm gonna go shower off." He just nodded, his attention on a magazine he must have picked up the last time he was in town.

Our bedroom was nothin' fancy, cluttered with things we hadn't had time to unpack yet. He hadn't bought much of anythin' as far as furniture went; Ennis's old things were still in pretty good shape and it made more sense just to use the stuff we already had. The bathroom was just as plain, but it had new stuff at least, even if it wasn't anythin' fancy. I stripped off my clothes and climbed into the shower; I was in the middle of washin' my hair when the curtain was pulled open and Ennis stepped in with me. "Damn, Ennis," I muttered as he pressed me up against the wall, "what's gotten into you today?"

"We got reason to celebrate," he said, buryin' his face in my neck and slidin' his arms around my waist. "All we got left to do is buy the sheep."

"You didn't seem nearly this excited when I told you that."

"Twist, stop talkin'." He flipped me over so my front was pressed against the wall, and then he pressed himself into me. I groaned loudly, shovin' myself back against him to get him deeper inside me. He grabbed onto my hips so he could more easily pull himself outta me and thrust back in. Moanin', I reached down to grab onto my erection, pumpin' my hand over myself as he pushed harder and harder into me. I came before he did, groanin' as my cum squirted out onto the wall; but he kept on thrustin' into me, and I wasn't even sure if he'd noticed my orgasm. And so I kept my hand wrapped around myself, as he kept on goin', and I came again not long after he did.

**We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,****  
****We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside****  
****This holy reality, this holy experience.****  
****Choosing to be here in**

**This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in****  
****This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal****  
****All this pain is an illusion.**

He leaned against me for a minute or so, and then he pushed himself away and reached out to turn off the water. Without a word, he took me by the arm and led me from the bathroom into the bedroom, pushin' me down onto the bed and fallin' on top of me. We fucked again, and by that time he looked like he was ready to fall asleep. I rolled out of his arms and grabbed some socks of the floor; while he was half-asleep, I used to socks to tie his wrists to the headboard. Then, movin' down between his legs, I called softly, "Ennis." He jerked awake, lookin' down at me and then lookin' up at his wrists, and then lookin' back down at me with a frown on his face. I grinned at him, and leaned down to press my lips against his penis. He groaned loudly, but groaned even louder when I took him in my mouth. He was hard in seconds, and I began suckin' on him, gently at first, and then harder. He thrashed around wildly, liftin' his hips up and pushin' himself farther into my mouth. I moaned around the mouthful, and he echoed it with a moan of his own. I pushed his hips down against the mattress, holdin' him still so I'd have an easier time of it.

"Holy…motherfuckin' Christ…Jack…_Jack…!_"

I nearly laughed, and the vibration made Ennis moan wildly. Grinnin' wickedly, I began humming even as I kept on suckin' at him. He didn't last long after that. I swallowed the cum that exploded into my mouth, and lifted my head to smirk at him as he lay gaspin' for air. I slid forward and arranged his legs on either side of my hips, and then pressed myself forward into him.

He gasped, and then gave a cry that was half pleasure and half pain. It had been a long time—too long—since I'd last fucked him, since he was always so afraid of bein' "unmanly." Right now, I didn't give a shit if he felt "unmanly." Jack Twist needed his turn, after all.

I'd nearly forgotten what it felt like, to be inside someone instead of someone bein' inside me. But the tightness, and the swelterin' heat, and the way Ennis arched his hips up—it was enough to make my head spin, and I was almost afraid I was gonna come before I'd hardly even gotten started.

**Alive, I**

**In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in**

**This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in****  
****This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal****  
****All this pain is an illusion.**

**Twirling round with this familiar parable.****  
****Spinning, weaving round each new experience.****  
****Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.**

I rocked back and forth into him, copyin' the things he'd done to my over the years, his shouts of pleasure encouragin' to pump into him harder and faster. I came before he did, but I grabbed onto his erection, pullin' at him until he came, too.

Breathin' heavily, I dragged myself up his body and untied his wrists, and then lay there on top of him. His hands rested at the small of my back, keepin' me where I was, keepin' me right where I wanted to be forever.

**This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.****  
****Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.****  
****All this pain is an illusion.**

* * *

Aww, a sweet ending. Not much more to say, is there?

:>


	5. Quote

**Title:** What He Wants  
**Chapter Title:** Quote  
**Author:** Penguins Stealing My Sanity  
**Disclaimer:** 'Tisn't mine.  
**Summary:** Jack faked his death, and now he's off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it's not always that simple… There's very little plot involved in this; it's mostly just an excuse for me to write a few explicit sex scenes between Jack and Ennis. ;)  
**Genre:** Romance  
**Warnings: **If you've gotten to this chapter, you know what to expect.  
**Rating:** R  
**Setting:** We jump ahead in time a few years, doesn't matter how many. Pick your favorite number between one and three. Jack and Ennis have their ranch, and are living together happily…or so it would seem…

This is what I think would have happened if they'd ever gotten a ranch together in the movie… It's not what I WANT to happen, mind, but it seems to "fit." This chapter is not going to be very happy, because I've now developed the plot I discovered in the second chapter, and it kind of _had_ to take a grim turn. And I just plain like writing sad stuff. So DO NOT tell me in your reviews how much you hate the ending of this chapter, or how much you hate me for writing this, because YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. If you don't like sad/grim stuff, don't read this; if you _do_ read this and don't like it, that doesn't mean you have to flame me. I don't like flames.

THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. Just so you know.

Back to Evans Blue songs, this one "Quote." It's a very touching song. I love Evans Blue.

I only got one suggestion for a name (thanks, A Horse Called Hwin!) but then decided that this character didn't even really need a name. Sorry, Atanvarne, no planned threesome...though maybe in another fic...

**- What He Wants -**

**"Quote"**

"How's it look?" I called as I came nearer to the pen where Ennis was lookin' the sheep over. I leaned against the fence as he came over to stand near me.

"Not good," he said grimly. "Lost three more just last night."

I swore. Some disease—no one around could say what it was—had been killin' off our flock all through the winter and spring. We didn't even have half the number we'd started off with in the very beginnin'. "What're we gonna do?"

He pulled his hat off and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. "Best thing to do now would be to sell 'em, while we still can. Won't get nearly the price we could if they were all healthy…but it'll be better'n lettin' 'em all die and not getting' nothin' for it." I nodded; Ennis knew better than I did what to do in this sort of situation. We were quiet for a while more, and then he said, "I been thinkin'…we ain't got much money left, and even with what we make off the sheep, it probably won't be enough to see us through winter. But if we sold the whole place…"

"No," I said firmly, shocked that he'd even mention it.

"We've fixed this place us real nice, and we could get a good price for it—"

"I said no, Ennis. Sell the sheep if you want, but we ain't gonna sell our home."

He was clenchin' his jaw in anger, and I could see how much he wanted to yell at me, so I turned away and walked back to the house, tryin' to cool my own anger. How could he even think of sellin' the place we'd built with our own hands?

I'd learned a little from Lureen about money and bookkeepin' and that sort of thing, and it had become my job to make sure me and Ennis didn't go broke. I didn't know if I was doin' too good a job of it, since we had almost no money left. But I sat down at the kitchen table, and began makin' out a list of everything' we didn't need.

**Quote, you are my soul, unquote  
Now does that sound familiar?  
You kiss the boy and make him feel this way **

Quote, well this is me, unquote  
And you have been so ugly you're entire life  
So I changed now

When Ennis came in, neither of us were too angry anymore, and he leaned down to kiss the top of my head before sittin' down next to me. "Wha'cha doin'?" he asked, leanin' over to try to see the paper I was writin' on.

"Makin' a list of everythin' we don't need that we might be able to sell. I was thinkin' we could live on only what we needed for a while, till we get back on our feet again—"

"And how do you think we're gonna 'get back on our feet'? Even sellin' everythin' we can, we won't have enough money to buy and keep _anythin'_ that would bring us in some money, and there's no jobs I can find 'round here. I went in to town yesterday, lookin' for a job; men I talked to, they said they weren't lookin' for 'someone like me', an' I could see in their eyes what they meant by it. We got no jobs, no way to make money, Jack. What we got now is all we're gonna have. If we just—"

"We're not sellin' this place, Ennis. It's ours."

"Think I don't know that, Jack? I don't wanna leave this place any more'n you do, but I don't see any other way we can get by."

"Damnit, Ennis!" I slammed my hands down on the table and pushed myself away, the chair topplin' over backwards as I stormed off into our bedroom. I paced around awhile through all the clutter, then turned and kicked the bed. Swearin' then—_Fuck, that hurt!_—I dropped down onto the bed and yanked off my boot to gently cradle my throbbin' toes.

"That was pretty stupid."

I glared over my shoulder at Ennis, where he stood in the doorway. "_You_ weren't near enough to kick," I muttered just loud enough for him to hear.

**Is this how you wanna go down?  
****Right before my eyes  
You're the saddest sight I know  
You're quiet, you never make a sound  
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know  
**

**Quote, we never talk, unquote  
And that's when I don't answer  
Don't you dare ask why  
Because you don't want to know **

"Will you just let me talk for a minute, Jack? Just let me say what I need to?" He took my not answerin' for permission, and so he rushed on in, "You know how I feel about this place, Jack—sure, I didn't want it in the first place, but I love it now. You know that. I wouldn't even be thinkin' about givin' it up 'less we were in _real_ deep trouble. An' we are, Jack. We ain't hardly got any money left, and anythin' else we can make won't last us too long. I'm just thinkin'…if we sold this place, it'd be enough to buy us each a nice little house in town, where places are cheaper—"

"Buy us _each_ a house?" I repeated, and then gave a bitter laugh. I pulled off my other boot and threw it hard as I could against the wall. "You think _that's_ gonna help us? Havin' to sneak around just to get a few moments alone… Yeah, Ennis, _that's_ gonna stop all them rumors you're so worried about."

"Fine, forget that. But what if we sold some of our land? We don't use nearly half of what we got, and people're payin' good money for land like we got—"

"We bought so much land 'cause we wanted privacy, Ennis. We sell our land, an' there'll be people packin' in on all sides. It'd get to be as bad as your other idea."

"Then what're we gonna do, Jack?" he asked, soundin' frustrated and tired of the whole argument. "We keep on like this, we won't have nothin' left come winter."

I turned around to look him full in the face. "But we'll still have each other." I pulled up the covers of the bed and slid underneath them, my back to Ennis again.

After a while, the bed creaked, and he lay down under the covers next to me, puttin' his arms around me and pullin' me against his chest. "I'm sorry," he said softly into my ear and, for now, it was enough.

* * *

We sold the sheep first chance we got, for a reasonable price, and sold everythin' else we could. We made it through spring and fall, but by then, we were arguin' so much about the money we didn't have that it seemed like we didn't do nothin' _but_ argue. We were havin' one of these arguments one afternoon when Ennis just turned away from me and stormed outta our house, kickin' the wheel of his truck before climbin' into it and startin' it up. As he backed it up and turned it out towards the road, I grabbed a handful of rocks and threw it hard as I could at the truck. The rocks clattered down harmlessly, and Ennis didn't even turn to look at me. Swearin' at him at the top of my lungs, I didn't turn back into the house till I couldn't see the truck anymore. 

**Quote, well woe is me, unquote  
How different I've become  
And no one understands, my dear, no one really cares **

When I woke up the next mornin', Ennis still hafn't come back, but I couldn't say that I was really too surprised by it. This was how we handled things. We'd fight, get angry, and one of us would run off for a day or so; then we'd come back, fuck like mad, and everythin' would be back to where it had been. We handled our problems by never really solvin' anythin'…but it worked, and it was all we knew how to do.

Winter was comin' on fast, and I went out to chop some wood, hopin' it'd be enough to distract me for a little while. It was near noon when a new-lookin' car came pulling down the drive. A man who looked like he'd just arrived from way out East climbed outta the car and looked around for awhile till he noticed me. The hat sittin' on top of his head was a poor attempt to "blend in" with the local folks, and I couldn't hold in a snort as I leaned my axe up against the choppin' block and threw the wood I'd just split into the small pile I had. Fuckin' city folk.

"Is this the residence of a Mister Ennis Del Mar?" the man asked, soundin' just as East as he looked.

"If you mean does he live here, yeah," I called over my shoulder. "But he ain't here right now."

"Yes…I know. Who are you?"

I finally turned to face him. "Jack Twist. What do you want with Ennis?"

He ignored my question. "And you would be…?"

"Co-owner of this little piece of shit place. What do you want with Ennis?"

"Do you know, does Mister Del Mar have any family in the area?"

"He's divorced. Has two kids. They don't live anywhere near. Now I ain't gonna ask you again—what do you want with Ennis?"

The man sighed, and pulled his hat off his head. "Mister Del Mar's truck was found floating in the river earlier today."

It took a little while for me to actually understand the words, and then I just stood there starin' at the him, not believin' what he'd said. There was a buzzin' in my ears, and my voice was shakin' when I asked, "What?"

"It would seem that Mister Del Mar drove off the road sometime late last night. His body wasn't found, but we can assume he drowned.I was told I would find someone here who would know his last wishes—I can only assume that would be you. When you have some time, we will need to speak about where you want him to be buried, and how his assets will be divided." He gave me the address of the place where I could find him, but I hardly heard a word he said. I managed to stay on my feet until he was drivin' away in his fancy little car, and then my knees gave out and I fell to the ground, feelin' like my heart was bein' clawed slowly outta my chest.

_

* * *

(A.N.: A few days have passed.) _

I stood in the bedroom, lookin' around slowly to make sure I hadn't left anythin'. It looked so different, so wrong, without mine and Ennis's stuff litterin' the floor. I'd gone into town a few days back, to talk to the Easterner about Ennis's stuff. The next day, I'd sold the little ranch we'd built. There was no reason to keep it; I'd only fought so hard for it because it had seemed like it was the only thing holdin' me and Ennis together. Turns out he'd been right all along: got more sellin' the place than it had cost to buy all the supplies to build it. I'd stay with Momma and Daddy for a while, till I got back on my feet again. But there was somethin' I had to do first.

**Is this how you wanna come down?  
Right before my eyes  
You are the saddest sight I know  
And you're quiet, you never make a sound  
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know **

**And you were right, right from the start  
It took everything you had, but you finally broke my...**

I drove as far as I could, and then rode on a borrowed horse for the rest of the way. And up on Brokeback, at the place where we'd camped so many years ago, I pulled out the urn that held the ashes of some of his stuff that I'd burned, since I didn't have the ashes of his body, and held the urn gently against my chest, lettin' the tears flow down my cheeks and just livin' in the memories of this place.

_/"I hate leavin'," I told him as we packed up after three days up on Brokeback. "I hate goin' back to real life…"_

_He wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders, pullin' me against him and kissin' the side of my face, just below my hair. "We'll come back," he promised. "We'll keep on comin' back till we can't no more. Brokeback will always be here. You'll always be here, and I'll always be here…"/_

_/"I never did like sheep."_

"_Not much about 'em to like," Ennis agreed, takin' a long drink of whiskey._

"_But still…it wouldn't be too hard to raise sheep, as long as we had everythin' we'd need. I think we'd make a fine pair of ranchers, don't you think?"_

_He looked over at me, smilin' a little and shakin' his head at me. "Maybe someday, cowboy." He was too drunk to remember that he always argued whenever I mentioned us buyin' a ranch._

"_We could spend the rest of our days together raisin' sheep. Just the two of us, on our own ranch…"/_

_/We lay together in front of the fire, me layin' between his legs with my back against his chest. There was a blanket wrapped around us, and I pulled it more snugly up under my chin, shiverin' a little in the cool air. He moved his head no nuzzle his nose just behind my ear, and said softly, "You hear that?"_

"_I don't hear nothin' but the fire," I said sleepily._

"_That's what I mean. Night like this…no sounds, with the stars out… The world's stopped, Jack, just for us. Just for right now. Ain't nothin' can happen to us right here, right now." I tilted my head back, and he kissed me gently. "Right now, it's just you an' me, boy. Nothin' else matters."/_

_/"You awake, Twist?"_

_I was already half-asleep, and so I didn't answer, comfortable enough to just lay against his chest. His arms wrapped around me a little tighter, and he pressed his head down against the top of mine. I smiled, and shifted just a little so I could listen to his heart beatin' as we lay there together._

"_I'm glad I met you, Jack," he said softly, and I was confused for a little while. He thought I was asleep, so why was he talkin' to me…? But as he kept on talkin', I realized he was sayin' things he'd never say if he knew I was awake: "I know it don't seem like it sometimes, and I know I ain't always as…as kind to you as I should be… But this time we spend together, I wouldn't trade it for anythin'. Just…just so you know…" He was silent for a while longer. "Don't know what I did to deserve you, Twist. Didn't think I'd ever done anythin' good enough to deserve you…but whatever it was, I sure am glad I did it. I know I can be a right ass sometimes, but…I do love you, Jack."_

_I closed my eyes, and just lay there against him, listenin' to his heart pound in time with his breathin'…/_

**And now the old flames will pass away  
I saw your life once  
Did you see mine?  
But not all things will pass away  
You turned your light off  
So I turned mine  
****Away from your sadness  
****Away from the nothingness you feel for me  
**

**Is this how you wanna go down?  
Right before my eyes  
****You are the saddest sight I know  
You're so quiet and you never make a sound  
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know  
And you were right, right from the start,  
****I****t took everything you had, but you finally broke my ...  
**

I pulled the top off the urn and reached inside, scoopin' out a handful of ashes and lettin' the ashes sift through my fingers to be pulled away by the wind. My tears still flowin', I spread the rest of the ashes on the ground, and stood there holdin' the empty urn as a wind picked up and sent the ashes swirlin' around me and around Brokeback, around the only place where me and Ennis were ever really happy together.

I put the top back on the urn, and stowed it safely back in my pack on the horse's saddle; then I climbed up onto the horse, and rode away without lookin' back.

**Quote, hey listen cause I'll only say this once  
I finally found the words  
That mean enough to me  
Goodbye my soul, unquote**

* * *

A brief note: if you are satisfied with where this chapter ends, you need not read further; you will probably not like the next chapter. If you are unsatisfied, read the next chapter before sending me an angry review. 

:>


	6. Life and Death

**NOTE**: If you read Chapter Five before March 5, 2006, I'd suggest going back and reading it again. I made a few slight changes, but they are vital, or else this chapter will make you very confused.

**Title:** What He Wants  
**Chapter Title:** Life and Death  
**Author:** Penguins Stealing My Sanity  
**Disclaimer:** Blah blah blah, you know the drill  
**Summary:** Jack faked his death, and now he's off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it's not always that simple…  
**Genre:** Romance  
**Warnings: **The usual.  
**Rating:** R  
**Setting:** The night after the night of Ennis's death.

-grumbles- Unappreciative little… I know most of you hate me for killing Ennis, but the story isn't over yet. Trust me. I've got some marvelous plot-twists up my sleeve. I have a habit of giving people what they want, and since the general populace seemed unhappy with my ending… _I_ was unhappy that Chapter Five was so disliked, but I'm over it now. Difference in opinion. I liked it, some of you didn't. I'm fine with it.

Really.

-twitch-

Anyway, this'll have a happ_ier_ ending, since that seems to be what you all want.

This chapter is not from Jack's POV; it will be done in third-person, something I haven't tried for quite some time. There will only be a faint Western twang in the narration because, frankly, I was starting to talk with a Western accent. Kind of embarrassing… Anyway, just go with me, here. I can guarantee you won't hate me nearly as much after you read this chapter. This will probably be the last chapter—for real this time.

Not a songfic; it got to be too much work trying to find good songs, and I just want to get this chapter done before you all kill me. This will be a shorter-ish chapter.

**- What He Wants -**

"**Life and Death"**

It was a small place and, late as the hour was, mostly empty. A man sat off in a corner of the bar, slouched over in his chair and snoring almost loud enough to drown out the music playing softly. At the bar, two men sat, far apart from each other. Neither had attempted conversation, nor did either of them desire it. One of the men sat muttering angrily to himself, his mug of beer untouched by his elbow as he held a heated conversation with people only he could see. The other man at the bar sat nursing his own mug of beer, one of the many he'd had over the course of the night, lost among his own thoughts.

"So, cowboy, you gonna tell me your story?" the barman asked, leaning on the counter near his silent customer.

The man turned bloodshot eyes up to him. "Huh?"

"You been here all night, just drinkin' and drinkin' and drinkin', and you ain't said a word but what you had to say to ask for more drink. Somethin's got you down, and I ain't got nothin' better to do than listen if you got somethin' you wanna say."

"I ain't really the talkin' type," the man muttered.

Barman shrugged. "Suit yourself." He walked over to his other customer to see if he could get the angry man to buy anything else.

From under the rim of his hat, Ennis Del Mar watched the barman walk away, and then he turned his eyes back down to amber liquid inside the mug held tightly between his hands. He was surprised when a small drop of water plopped into the beer. He quickly set the mug down on the counter and made a big show of coughing, so that he could rub the tears out of his eyes. _Pull yourself together, damnit!_ he told himself silently. _You did what you had to. If Jack hadn't been so fuckin' stubborn…he had it comin'._ It was easier to just blame it all on Jack. Everything was Jack's fault. Ennis had just done the only thing he could.

He'd been trying to convince himself of it the whole night, but he still hadn't succeeded.

When he'd drove away from their ranch, he'd been so angry, he'd just wanted to do something that would hurt Jack as bad as Ennis had felt. The answer had seemed so simple: give Jack a taste of his own fucking medicine. When Ennis had gone to the sheriff, the man had been more than willing to help Ennis fake his own death (Ennis had learned later that the sheriff had no fondness for him and Jack, and was hoping that this ruse would get rid of both men). Ennis had helped with everything the sheriff had asked of him, and then he'd gone off to get drunk, to celebrate his freedom. His joy hadn't lasted for long, but by then it had been too late. So he sat here now, in some God-forsaken bar, guzzling down as much beer as he could in the hopes of drowning his sorrow.

So far, it wasn't working.

The man at the other end of the bar suddenly pounded his fist on the bar and leapt to his feet, racing from the room and shouting curses. Ennis and the barman stared after him in mild surprise and turned to look at each other for the briefest moment; then Ennis turned his eyes back to his beer, not wanting to attract the barman's attention again. After a little while, Ennis pushed himself shakily to his feet, drained the mug, and started stumbling towards the door.

"Where you goin'?" the barman called after him.

"Got places t' be," Ennis lied, words slightly slurred.

"You ain't in no condition to drive," The barman said with what seemed like genuine concern.

"Gon' go sleep it off in m' truck, then," said Ennis as he stumbled against the door. Since the sheriff had insisted on actually driving Ennis's truck into the river—"Just in case Mister Twist wants some proof," he'd said—but had kindly allowed Ennis to have a truck that was in far worse condition than his own had been. At least it still worked, for now. Ennis managed to make it into the back seat of his truck before he passed out.

* * *

The next day, Ennis decided it was time to take control of his "new" life. He drove down to Riverton, where he'd spent most of his adult life, and started looking for a job. _(A.N.: Just pick a random, menial job.)_ But he didn't stay in Riverton more than a week—and even in that time, he wasn't really there, at least not all of him. Most of Ennis Del Mar was miles and miles away, back in a small, rather poorly built ranch house, next to a man with beautiful blue eyes and a willing smile. Ennis's heart and soul were with Jack. 

His heart pounding with excitement and, admittedly, a little fear, Ennis drove as fast as he could to their ranch. But when he pulled down the drive, it was not Jack's truck parked in front of the house, and it was not Jack who came, scowling, onto the porch and demanded to know what Ennis wanted.

"Is—is Jack Twist here?"

"He don't live here no more," the man on the porch said gruffly, spitting down into the grass that clustered around the stairs.

"Do you know where he went?" Ennis wasn't sure how well he succeeded in hiding how crestfallen he was.

"Don't know, don't care. Get off my land."

A part of Ennis longed to thrash this rude man, but he restrained himself and climbed back into the truck, driving slowly away. Back out on the road and out of sight of the ranch house, he pulled the truck to a stop and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. _What now? Where would Jack go…_ Ennis didn't know the answer.

Desperate now, he drove into town and spoke to the glaring sheriff, who told Ennis that Jack had, at one point, said something about going up to his parents'; the information was given freely in the hopes that Ennis would leave if he was told everything he wanted to know. Hopeful again, Ennis all but raced out to his truck and drove off, hoping he still remembered where Jack's parents lived.

The truck gave out on him eventually, but Ennis was sure he was close. He left the truck sitting at the side of the road, and continued on foot, stopping only when it was absolutely necessary.

And he finally made it.

His feet numb and his heart in his throat, Ennis walked down the drive, eyes flickering every way possible. His eyes finally found Jack, near the old, rickety barn, forking hay into the back of his truck. Ennis's hopes soared, and he managed to quicken his step. The smaller man didn't even notice him until Ennis said softly, voice thick with emotion, "Jack…"

Beneath his jacket, Ennis saw all the muscles of Jack's arms and back tighten, and he turned very slowly. For a moment, they just stood staring at each other, Ennis feeling as if he were floating high above the ground. Jack showed no anger, no sadness, no happiness—no emotion at all, as far as Ennis could see, and it began to worry the man. Finally, Jack shook his head, a small, humorless smile curving the sensuous lips Ennis knew so well. "I shoulda fuckin' known," Jack said softly, still shaking his head. He turned away and scooped another forkful of hay into his truck, then leaned the pitchfork against the barn and looked back at Ennis. "So why'd you do it?"

"I don't know," Ennis said helplessly, miserably.

Jack nodded; it was the answer he'd expected. He turned back to the truck.

"You—you're not angry?" Ennis asked.

"Not really. I should be, but I ain't." He turned again to look at Ennis. "Whaddya want, Ennis? I got work to do, an' I ain't got any time to waste."

"What—what kinda work?" Ennis asked tentatively. "I could—"

"You didn't really think it was gonna be that fuckin' easy, did you?" Jack pulled his hat off, and Ennis saw more anger in the smaller man's eyes than he'd ever seen before. "You come here alive, and you think I'm just gonna run into your arms and forget everythin'? Did you really think it was gonna happen like that?" His piercing blue eyes met Ennis's miserable gaze, and Jack shook his head. "You did, didn't you? You thought I was gonna forgive everythin' soon as I saw you alive… Fuck you, Ennis. Fuck you. When I faked my death, I did it to get away from Lureen, to come be with you. You did it to get away from_ me_. I ain't never gonna forgive that, Ennis. There isn't a thing in this world you could say to make me forgive you for what you did to me." There weren't any tears in Jack's eyes, which surprised Ennis; Jack had always been so emotional… "Just go, Ennis. Go away and leave me be." He turned away from Ennis—his first mistake.

Ennis had tried to suppress all his anger while Jack was talking, but it came roaring to the surface now. He grabbed the smaller man and spun him around, slamming Jack against his own truck and pinning him there, glaring fiercely into the slight man's eyes. "You didn't think it was gonna be that fuckin' easy, did you?" he mocked. "Ain't no chance I'm gonna leave it like this, Jack. I did somethin' stupid—I know it, and I wish I hadn't done it…but I did. Nothin' can change that. I hurt you, and I'm sorry for it—but that sure as fuckin' hell ain't gonna stop me. You're mine, Twist. _Mine._ And I ain't gonna let you go again."

The moment of palpable tension stretched between them a second more, and then snapped when Jack lurched forward and latched hungrily onto Ennis's lips, kissing him desperately before he collapsed against the taller man's chest, fingers knotting in Ennis's shirt. "I hate you, Ennis," he whispered, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to spill over. "I hate you so much."

"I know," Ennis said softly, gently stroking Jack's hair as he rested his head against the top of Jack's head. "I love you, too."

And they lived happily ever after.

* * *

There. Are you happy? No one died, and _they're_ happy now... –mutters to self for a few moments more- Please note that the "happily ever after" is _layered_ with sarcasm. As much sarcasm as you can manage.I, personally, LOVED the chapter five ending, and don't really care for _this_ ending...but since I am dedicated to making all of you happy... 

This might _not_ be the end of the story. Who knows, maybe something else will occur to me, and I'll just keep adding more and more chapters… Right, anyway, hope you enjoyed—and am also hoping I'm no longer hated. Please?

:>


End file.
